User blog:Corbierr/Fanfiction Reviews - 2



'''Sorry this is so late, guys! But here's number 2! Today's stories: House of Anubis: Never Wake Me Up - Chapter One - House of Investigation, The Twelve Forces: Part One, and Voodoo Doll (A HOA Halloween OS) ''

'Short apology to my good friend Wizard/Rico whose fanfiction I promised to read and review. I have yet to get around to it, but I swear I'll review it at some point in the future!'



House of Anubis: Never Wake Me Up- Chapter One- House of Investigation
''

For Halloween, David is working on a special HOA Fanfic. He's only written one chapter, and the story hasn't completely started yet. You guys should read it yourself if you want to hear the plot. But enough about the story itself- how does the first chapter hold up?''

Pros-
- Everyone is in character. To elaborate, it was practically like I was reading an actual script from the show! (Literally; It's in script format!) He nailed the personalities. Patricia and Amber are especially done well!

- He's easing you into the story, which helps to get the reader interested before getting the plot truly rolling. It's not a slow opening...but an informative one. With that said...

- The plot is already interesting! It proves you don't need a fast paced, action-y opening to make an interesting beginning.

- Nobody had a POV, which is a bit odd, but it really works to give everyone a fair amount of scenes and importance in the story!

- Patricia was a badass. This may only be a pro for my POV, but I appreciate that!

But, like all stories, there are some flaws...

Flaws-
- While he manages to pull it off, the script format style just feels a tiny bit, idk, too simple for a story like this. It's not inherently bad and does, at some points, make it feel like an actual episode of the show. But stylistically, it's a bit more confusing to read sometimes and is such a difference from what I'm used to that it's a tiny bit jarring at first.

- A minor one, but during the scene when the Mrs. Andrews told the class what happened the night before, I wish there was more...reaction. I won't tell you what the news was because you guys need to read this for yourself, but at the time, only Patricia seemed to even care that something was wrong (typical Trixie) and that's just because she already overheard stuff minutes before. It just feels a bit...rushed or unemotional...based on what happened.

Consensus
Over all, NWMU is currently a very well written and engaing story that seems more like an actual script than a fanfiction! It may be a tiny bit sloppy or rushed in some small parts, but David manages to make it work. I definitely say check it out, and I hope the next chapter comes out soon!

The Twelve Forces: Chapter One
''For a long few months, Haley has been working hard on her fanfic, The Twelve Forces. It should need no introduction- you've all heard about it! And now it's time to review her first chapter! ''

Pros
- The narrative is done awesomely. She may not spend too much time describing the background, but she does describe what's important, and it works!

- The dialogue is also done well. Haley's gift for writing sassy, interesting dialogue continues!

- She kicks off the plot without making too much happen. It's really just the interactions between the characters as things start to occur- but it seriously works!

- Mara was made genuinely sympathetic, and after season 3...that's a difficult feat in Fanfic.

Cons
- OOCness, again. It works for characters like Fabian, but for others such as Joy, it's a bit jarring when there so far seems little reason for her to act the way she does. It's not horribly detrimental to the story, but it can be distracting.

- Not all the dialogue feels natural. Most of it works, but once in a while (possibly due to the OOC factor or maybe just a little exposition thrown in the dialogue scenes) it might just be a little...off.

- Everyone is an ''asshole. ''That's a normal staple of a Haley Fanfic, but there are points when the characters just come off as needlessly mean. Of course, in future chapters, this will probably make more sense. But from Mara's POV...ehhh, it's a little overwhelming sometimes.

Consensus
It's extremely well written and interesting. Despite some issues with characterization, it's genuinely good writing. If you haven't read it, you really have to! I cannot wait for future chapters, where I expect less of those flaws to surface!

Voodoo Doll (A HOA Halloween OS)
''Another story from Haley makes the list, and this one is her recently written OS- featuring voodoo, gore, and more badass OOC Fabian! Let's take a look.''

Pros-
- While the OOC may be a touch jarring at the beginning, eventually, it makes perfect sense- and in fact, applies only to Nina and Fabian, for reasons that are explained in-story. It takes Haley's OOC style writing and gives it not only a reason, but a horrifying and fitting reason as well.

- It's from Joy's POV...and that works perfectly. I'd explain why, but that'd spoil it- just take my word that she took a character you wouldn't expect to be the protagonist...and it worked.

- The ending is scary and bittersweet, which just makes the story all the better! Again, it's something you'll need to read the story to understand why it works, but I can say that for a dark and creepy Halloween story, the ending really, really fits and overall, just enhances it.

- Again, the dialogue and narrative really do wonders for the story and the characters. And unlike in TTF, it all felt natural for the situation!

Cons-
- The beginning feels a bit rushed and sloppy compared to the stellar work of the rest of the story. It feels a bit like she wanted to get to the good part, which may be true. It's not a bad opening, just...could have been slower and more fitting for the story.

- For some people, the horror elements may truly be a bit much. (On the other hand, she put a warning at the beginning...)

- There is really no explaination for why the evil voodoo guys are doing what they're doing, which does make them seem more evil, but also a bit lacking in complexity.

Consensus
Another very well written and dark story from Haley. It may be a bit too much for some people and the opening may be a bit too quick to jump to the action, but it was genuinely good- especially the ending. I may prefer her longer works like TTF or EYS, but she really can write a good OS- especially a horror one.

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'''Thanks, guys! If you have a story you want me to review, just ask! I hope I wasn't too harsh today, David and Haley <3'''