User blog comment:PieandHOALoverHere/I Want YOUR Opinion...YEAH YOU/@comment-24685339-20121226185646

This is a really good story! I am a writer too and I know what it's like to have a big publishing dream.:) However, I would like to offer you some constructive critiscm which God knows I have received a lot. Here it is.

Constructive Critiscm/Writer's Advice ~ 

A) OK, I think the idea of all these high-schoolers is cute because I love the plotline of you know, geeks, snobs, goths, bad boys/girls... and I don't usually read teen romance! However, be careful. One of the things that annoys me is when a story tells too much if you know what I mean. Basically, don't tell that the characters are goth/geek/snob, show it. Just a bit of advance warning, heh heh...

B) About the name of the boarding school. Of course I love the idea of mythology. However, maybe it would be best to not do Egyptian. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Egyptian mythology, but considering it's been used in HoA before, it could be accused of plagiarism. Don't feel bad. When I was a kid, I wrote tons of stories that were so obviously plagiarised it was sad. Yours is much less obvious. Don't worry, there are loads of other interesting mythologies out there! Two of my personal favourites are Greek and Romans. So hang in there!

C) Don't feel that you have to introduce all of the character's background information at once. Introduce it bit by bit. And while we're at it, try not to switch topics too abruptly. This is a trap that many writers (including me) fall into.

D) About Alicia's P.O.V., there was one part that irritated me slightly. When she talks about how smart she is at all subjects, it becomes just a tiny bit boastful. However, you can introduce it in another way. Maybe one of the other characters tell her that she's really smart. While we're on the subject of Alicia, the part were she looks in the mirror is a good time to describe her in detail. Tell us her hair colour, height, all that.:)

All in all, your story is really good! I love the idea. Hope you send us more soon! And when you are a published author, we will all be able to brag that we knew you through the HoA Wiki.:D