User blog:Corbierr/Fanfiction Reviews - 1



'''It's time to take a look at some fanfiction! We have three stories to look at today!'''



House of Anubis One Shots by SinnerOfRandomness
About two years ago, Haley wrote these two HOA one-shots about Fabian, Amber, and Eddie...with vampires and OOCness. Despite the strange premise, these one-shots actually have things going for them, as I'll explain in a minute. These two odd stories are also special to me, due to the fact that the first one is how Haley and I became friends in the first place! That's no exaggeration- I commented on her blog about the first one shot, and I suddenly had a new friend. But enough about the past, let's talk about the stories themselves.

I won't give too much away in terms of plot because these are stories you guys really need to read yourselves- explaining won't do them justice, and hello, spoilers! So let me just get into detail about what does and what doesn't work:

What works: 

- Honestly, the plot itself may sound odd...but it's made in a way that honestly does work! This is more evident in the second one, where the story becomes genuinely engaging and interesting (possibly because the second one is in Fabian's point of view). The endings are especially done well, and in the first one, the dramatic and dark climax is a welcome surprise!

- The dialogue, especially in the first one, is freaking ''hilarious. ''Does it ever sound like something the characters would ever say? Not at all! But once you get past that (and if you are used to Haley's writing, it won't be hard) much of the interactions between the characters is really, really sassy and funny! This goes more for the first one, where there are sassy one-liners thrown every direction for no reason at all other than for insulting other characters and yet it actually works! The first time I read this story, what stuck with me the most was the dialogue! I remembered what they said more than the story itself, because the dialogue is just that funny! The sequel has good dialogue as well. It's less over the top, and thus less funny, but some parts actually feel a bit natural and the interactions are handled well, especially between Amber and Fabian.'''

- If you don't mind the OOCness, it's actually done pretty well. A good dose of lampshade hanging in many scenes shows that the characters themselves are confused about the strange way everyone is acting, and while EYS may have handled it a lot better (giving actual reason for why everyone turned out the way they did) this still did a good job of making them OOC, yes, but also making it semi-realistic by having people question what's happening!

What doesn't work: 

- The grammar in these stories (especially the first one) really is not that good. There are mistakes everywhere, and it can take away from the story and make you have to stop and think about what's going on. It can make some things uninetionally funny, but other times it's just frustrating. Good thing is, Haley is well aware of this, and in the future, she will be rewriting them with better grammar! There are also just a lot of awkward moments, again, mostly in the first one.

- There are big paragraphs full of information. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if entire fight scenes weren't told in the span of giant paragraphs! It's sometimes hard to read all that text, and it can also seem rushed and sloppy. The scenes themselves can be well written, but the fact that a lot of information is clumped together so tightly makes it hard to understand what's happening sometimes.

- Another smaller one that really only shows up in the first one is that the audience is told all this information about the vampires- but at the time we're being told, Eddie (the narrator) has not yet learned what's going on! Telling the reader these things may cause dramatic tension in some cases, but it's something that should be handled with care.

- I've already said the OOCness was generally done well, but what bugs me is the fact that there just doesn't seem to be a reason for it. I mentioned how in EYS, there seemed to be genuine cause for the change in character. This time, while the talk about how random it is can be funny, it just seems really out of nowhere! In some spots, she seemed to try and justify it, but it doesn't do enough to explain why they are acting the way they are.

Overall: The two one-shots are a bit strange and in some scenes, awkward, but in general, the plot and the humor make the flaws worth it! While Haley's later works are much better written, these are worth it to read, if only for the funny dialogue and sassy Fabian scenes. The second one outclasses the first in plot and actual writing quality, but the first is classic simply for the unforgettable lines. Check it out- it may be a bit weird, but for what it's worth, it's still pretty good!

Paper Schools by JamberLuv4ever
Now we get into more recent stories! A little while ago, Jambie joined in on making OC-centric stories, and wrote three chapters of this story,'' Paper Schools. ''With the three chapters being relatively short, the plot is hard to say, but there was something about demons involved...and it ended on a cliffhanger! I was excited for this story to continue, although maybe I'm biased, because half the characters were mine! (You people seem to really dislike making characters for Jambie's stories :P) But how do the three chapters hold up?

What worked:

- I appreciate how Jambie did not just throw us into the story. She was clearly in the process of building the plot up a bit more slowly, which helps to get people invested before the craziness starts. And she gets props for making the threat pretty unique- DEMONS! Rather than just a typical Highschool Drama like I had anticipated, she actually came up with something darker and supernatural. I would have loved to know where the plot would have gone afterwards!

- The characters were also done well. I like how instead of bashing us over the head with character traits, she put them more subtly. I am willing to bet that if we saw more chapters, we would have seen the characters become more fleshed out as time goes on. By their interactions, we get to know about them and their relationships to others.

What didn't work:

- ...Unfortunately, in the three chapters I saw, it was heavily focused on Marissa, Amanda, Bryce and Cameron. This doesn't mean the other characters weren't written well, like I said above, their personalities and introductions were handled well for all of them. However, and I don't know if this would have continued, but other characters just got comparatively less screen time. This isn't a bad thing, unless the idea is that everyone is an equal player; that's what I expected when going into the story. Again, I have no idea if future chapters would have been like this, and I'm not trying to say Jambie was biased towards her own characters. I just personally wish we got to see more of some of the other characters so we could learn more about them and have them become just as fleshed out as the quartert above.

- Just a bit lacking in narrative. What I mean is, there's a lot of dialogue and it moves real fast, which isn't inheritly bad, but some exposition would have been nice to set the tone and setting of the story just a bit more. This isn't as bad if it's an actual fanfic, as people should be expected to know where the story takes place and would be told otherwise if it's in a different location. But in original stories, just a bit more narrative than we got would have been nice. It makes things feel just a bit rushed without it. This actually seems a bit recurring with Jambie's stories...

Overall: Paper Schools seemed like it would have had interesting plot, subplots and characters had it continued onward. The three chapters felt more like a teaser than anything, slow build-up to what would have been a really good story. What we got, of course, was not bad. It just needed more screen time for some characters, and more narrative to slow things down. I liked these three chapters, but I wish I had more- because I feel like it would have become a stronger story in the future!

And now for something completely different!

Maximus High by JamberLuv4ever- Pre-reading review!
Now this one will be a bit hard because I was basically asked to do a review on a story that has yet to be posted. I'm basically here to give my opinion on what I think it might be like!

Well, Maximus High was a story a while ago, but to be honest I remember nothing...except that my character was practically non-existant! SO I won't be comparing this rewrite to to the original, if only because I don't know anything about the original!

However, let's see what I can say!

I personally think Maximus High will be well written and interesting. Jambie gets points for not just posting a chapter right of the bat, showing she's putting time and thought into this- I assume. I've also become attached to the characters I've made her, and I cannot wait to see them in action! I also remember liking the original, even if I don't remember why. So I'm genuinely excited for this story!

What might be problems? Again, Jambie has a minor history of having less narration than would be good for the story. This could return in Maximus High, and while it not might be a major issue, it's something to think about. Another problem is the possibility that characters won't get equal screen time again, but of course, I admit that Paper Towns was so short I have no idea how things would have turned out, and I am not willing to just assume Maximus High will be the same.

Overall, I am excited for Maximus High, and I cannot wait to start reading. My hopes are high. 

'''Thanks for reading! I hope you guys like the reviews, and if you want to request any, say so! '''