User blog:Corbierr/Fanfiction Reviews - 3



'''Hey guys, I'm back to do more reviews! Today's subjects: Trauma (A House of Anubis Angst One-Shot) and We Were Liars (HOA Style One-Shot)'''

Let's start the reviews!

Trauma (A House of Anubis Angst One-Shot)
''Haley's most recent Anubis OS! First, we examine the good things about this story:''

Pros:

 * Let me just get out of the way that yes, the subject matter may be very dark (I won't tell you what it is because it's a twist but by the way I'm talking about it you could probably guess on your own), it doesn't read like a typical fanfic on the subject. Many inexperienced fanfic writers use this sort of topic for disturbing fanservice, or pointless drama, or just because. But Haley handles it intelligently and definitely has a good understanding of the affects and portrays Fabian's struggles realistically. That's a major pro, as it shows it as the problem that it is and not the romanticized version shown in so many amatuer, and even some major, works.
 * Tangently related, the story itself is a pretty good sanity slippage story, through the eyes of the character who's snapping. It has good build up, spends much time in Fabian's head so we know exactly what he's thinking and feeling, and it's just interesting to see what's happening to his mind in response as opposed to the actual event(s?) that caused it. And I already told Haley this, but I enjoy that- I like the psychological focus of the story, which makes it scary and intense, but also subtle and realistic!
 * ...Joy has one of the best and most darkly humorous lines ever. Yes, I enjoy it enough to make it's mere existence a pro. It came out of left feild and was mostly just done to upset Fabes, and yeah it may not have been completely in character (I can't tell since she only has like 3 lines), but hey, I thought it was funny. So yeah.
 * Fabian actually gets a backstory! Huzzah!
 * Characters like Victor are, for once in a Haley story, portrayed pretty damn in character and even almost made likable. He's just Victor being Victor, but his role becomes sympathetic for a big reason towards the end and for once it seems she managed to make even Victor seem a bit heroic and he had a bit of niceness to him but it was hidden by how IC he was. So, well done.
 * Haley also did manage to handle the beginning very well for once. It was paced well, did good to set up things for the future, and was clearly not just trying to throw us into the action, but instead take it's time building up the details and letting the reader get the idea that something is wrong before the bad things take place.

Cons:

 * While I still praise her for her genuinely good (or at least much, much better than average for fanfiction) handle on the subject matter, I just still think I do need to at least say that it is a pretty dark story even by Haley standards and for some people could be a little too much- the subtly and the psychological stuff makes it strikingly realistic or at least enough for a person to believe it could be real. This arguably can make it darker than something such as Voodoo Doll, which was dark, but it was all gore and torture with little else. This is something different, and while I still believe she wrote it masterfully, it's just something to take note of. On that hand, it shouldn't be anything people haven't seen before in other works and it's something people are aware that does happen in real life. So I urge you, if you are reading this and have yet to read Haley's story, don't let the darkness scare you away, because with all the things we've been exposed to and all the stuff that happens in the world, she could have certainly done much worse and if you're mature and used to Haley's other works, you definitely should not be turned off by this. 
 * The ending, while not drastically darker than anything else in the story, and it does fit the tone and is pretty realistic...comes pretty damn quickly, plunges us back into darkness and is definitely a pretty harsh downer ending. It doesn't harm the rest of the story and does have it's merits, but it just sort of feels like a sudden slam of pain when for once things could have actually turned out well  (as well as they could have, at least) the story would still carry the same message, the main plot itself would not have been anything different, and it just seems a bit mean spirited and randomly harsh. I do get what Haley was trying to do, but what happened just wasn't entirely necessary for the story, especially since it's just a few paragraphs long. (Personally, I'd have cut out the very end and the last sentence of the scene just before it. It could have been more subtle and ambiguous that way, and would still have created a very powerful and still rather dark story without the extra cruelty tacked on. But that's just me. Haley and I do have very different writing styles and a peasant like me cannot tell the Queen how to write her stories :P)
 * Similarly, once the bad stuff happens, the story takes a serious and kind of jarring turn. It's been built up at the beginning, but the foreshadowing doesn't completely mean that it's not a bit of a mood whiplash. It wasn't happy at the beginning, but the true plot doesn't start till about halfway through and it can feel very sudden and randomly nasty if you don't know what you're in for. To be fair, it did better than Voodoo Doll with the out-of-nowhere darkness, but idk, I just feel it could have been done with just a bit better pacing, foreshadowing or build up after a certain point.

Consensus

 * Trauma is a very well written story with a subject matter that definitely needed to start being explored with all the tact Haley had about it. Sure, there are some moments of it being a bit overly cruel and the ending could have been done a bit better, but I genuinely believe that this is a story that deserved to be read much more and it certainly is one of Haley's better written and more serious works. (Not that she's not a good writer in general, of course.) Check it out if you haven't, because it's not something that deserves to be ignored, and I completely mean that.

We Were Liars (HOA Style One-Shot)
''Jambie's own OS she wrote a little bit back! Again, we start with the good.''

Pros-

 * It's written in a way that is subtle, interesting, and bittersweet. It's another psychological story, albiet shorter and Amber-focused, and the amnesia aspect as a good tool put to good use. It was also just done in a unique, day-by-day format.
 * Patricia, similar to Joy above, only had a very small role in this story, but her line was humorous in a dark way and was good comic relief, while still being fitting for the story and rather in character for Patricia. (And apparently I just really like random one-liners from characters who never show up again.)
 * It was short and simple, just long enough to be as dramatic and interesting as it needed to be, but not short enough to make me be feeling like it was rushed.
 * While there are plenty of dark stories on the wiki, this one is different in that it was a bit less heavy about it and done in a way that implied that the situation, now that we know the truth about what happened, would eventually be okay, even if Amber's greiving, because those things do eventually go away and I'm glad that it wasn't made so that she automatically accepted what happened at the end but it didn't come off like this was the end of the world.
 * The lack of dialogue was another unique and another good choice, as it helped to focus more on what was going through Amber's head and her own personal struggles, rather than her interacting with others.
 * It managed to give pretty deep complexity and maturity to a character like Amber, who did go through some good development on the show but still otherwise remained a bit immature. It was something that would have definitely been helpful to her, and the situation would not have worked the same with anyone else.

Cons-

 * The very first paragraph reads as a bit needlessly purple prose-y, which may just be a personal pet peeve of mine, but it just seems a bit unnecessary as the rest of the story is simpler and subtler.
 * The way it was written, it just makes it seems like Amber is the only one grieving. That's probably not true, but even Patricia's one line that I praised above feels a bit odd when you think that she herself would probably be upset and might not be in the snarking mood with what had happened, whether or not Amber was having memory problems. I just think it could have done good with a mention of everyone else being upset and her just not completely understanding why.
 * The whole plot could have been avoided, I guess, if the doctors just told her what was going on. Maybe it was explained why they didn't though, IDK, I'm doing this from memory because I'm too lazy to re-read it.

Consensus-

 * We Were Liars was subtle, interesting, and managed to do it's plot without being too overdramatic and unrealistic about it. It's a quick read, and it'll make you curious until the very end. So check it out, because it's worth it!

'''That's it for today! If you have something you want me to review, go ahead and ask! Sorry this one was shorter than usual, I had trouble finding material. Sorry again to Wizard for not yet reading his story, I'll get around to it at some point!'''

