Thread:SibunaSeason34/@comment-4816103-20141109200943/@comment-4816103-20141129170900

Well it's not bad. All I think is that it can use a bit more dialogue where she's getting angry at him, because that came really out of nowhere (unless it was supposed to be that way) and maybe at the end you can attach a scene where she finds her ring, like maybe part of the reason she started flipping out was because she started not feeling well and wanted him to leave, then she finds her ring. Because we need to get the plot rolling, haha.

Also, would it be part of chapter 5 or 6? It could work in either case, both would just need a little more to set the scene (or less, if we add it to chapter 5 we can just be like "but some of the students weren't at lunch")