User blog comment:SibunaSeason34/February Vent Blog/@comment-4816103-20150223055019

I hate that I can't fall asleep because I've gotten used to staying up until like 2:00 and waking up at 12:30... Blah... The fact that I'm on my phone right now certainly won't help!

Onto a different topic, I hate feeling like... I'm secondary. That might be a weird way to put it. But I've always been on the 'outside' with my friends in real life. Even now, even though I have a huge group of nerd friends irl and I have no real reason to feel any less a part of the group than they are, I'm having trouble convincing myself, it's the reason I got so pissed at my friends for leaving me out of Secret Santa, completely on accident, even after they apologized, because it's like... Of course it's ME who doesn't get a real gift! Of course! Even with my online relationships I can't help but have a tendency to feel this way. I feel so selfish thinking like this, I mean, I can't expect other people to see me as their number one friend all the time, just like I wouldn't with them. But I get jealous. I get insecure. Because I'm not used to BEING the number one friend, so I cling to it and don't want to lose it whenever I feel like, for once, that maybe I am.

I hate that it's currently 12:49 pm here and I'm sitting here online venting to nobody.