Thread:SibunaSeason34/@comment-4816103-20141109200943/@comment-4816103-20141118221745

Not bad to start! Just some suggestions

-Go through and slow it down a bit with like, IDK, adding a POV or just more narrative and maybe don't jump around so quickly. Like just pad it out a bit and make it less rushed.

-We shouldn't act like Lana is new because she's a Junior, unlike the heroes who are freshman, so unless we want to call her a newbie, she's been there for at least a year longer than the others.

- Same with Chance and Park, they should introduce themselves and make some small talk before just jumping into rag on Jake, because they're in different classes and so haven't really had the time to meet before. Maybe we can even have Park asking why he hangs out with Freshman if he's 17 and Chance is just like "I am a freshman..." and Park is just like "Oh...okay! :D"

IDK, sorry if these seem like big things, that's really just it though. Slow it down and just keep in mind that only our main heroes are the new kids.The others are Juniors or (maybe) Sophomores. I was going to say we should add Clementine in but ehhh it's cool she wouldn't have done anything in this chapter really, I'll just stick her in Chapter 5 :P