User blog comment:PieandHOALoverHere/I Want YOUR Opinion...YEAH YOU/@comment-5450362-20121221045923

1) I really like your characters. Because we find all of that in high school: nerds, goths, snobs....

Just be really careful with their plotlines. The story is set on HS, so the kids have to be high-schoolers. Not the "poor me, everyone tells me I'm pathetic, but at the end I'm better then everyone else" type. I mean, characters with good and bad thing, who at the end learn to  deal with themselves and others, accepting who they are. Mostly if one characters is going to be the lead, he/she hasn't to be better then the others. When that happens, the character is called a Mary Sue (cough, like Nina was in HOA, cough). (see 4)

2) The "maybe I look like Ana Mulvoy Ten" part is supposedly a hint about Alicia's looks. I think you should describe all of your characters with detail, telling us their eye and hair color, height, size, etc... If one of the kids looks like somebody famous, it should be like one of his/her friends, his/her parents, brothers, etc... told hin/her that.

3) If your story will be about some mythology, it shouldn't be Egiptian (at leat if it will be about kids in a boarding school, etc...). An the house name is too obvious...Search for information about the topics you're going to touch in the story and compare the books you read and you're using a inspiration ;-)

4) Do you have a main character? It seems like is a multi-character story, but it gets easier when you have one character to lead the story. Just saying. Believe me, I get really annoyed when a character's leading gets too obvious, too cliché. I think this would help you: http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm

GOOD LUCK!